Borderline Personality is "crazy-making" as are the reasons for
its development. Each borderline must search for health by sticking
with therapy and searching for his/her healthy, true self.
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality
Disorder (BPD) often grew up and may well still
live in crazy environments. The search for one's
healthy self in the middle of these environments
is a daunting task. Often after one begins therapy
and to heal one of the first choice made is to
change one's environment. This can mean taking
space from family members and or leaving friendships
and relationships. As a borderline learns more about
who he/she is, what he/she wants and doesn't want
in his/her life, his/her boundaries change and new,
healthier choices must be made to reflect the changes
that occur within this healing process.
A key result of living in a crazy environment
over an extended period of time is the toll that
it takes upon one's ability to think rationally
in response to what is going on as opposed to
what is perceived to be going on. There are often
mixed-messages in unhealthy relational dynamics.
They alone can be "crazy-making". These
mixed messages lead to convoluted, distored and
even paranoid thinking.
Borderlines must chase health. While many professionals
believe that many borderline traits will diminish with
age (often abating somewhat after the age of 40) having
and knowing a "healthy self" will not just happen; it
takes work and time.
For most borderlines, who are chasing health, they
find it is necessary to re-trace their emotional experience
through life looking back through the past to see how past
experiences, and more importantly, remaining feelings about
those past experiences are evident in the here and now.
Growing up in a family system that is dysfunctional
enough to cause (or to one degree or another contribute
to BPD - depending on your views regarding possible biological
causes) BPD is crazy-making. By this I mean that
borderlines do not have a chance to emotionally mature
as others do. They are too busy trying to decipher a sea
of mixed-messages and dodge and hold other people's feelings
so that they can be safe. Their developmental needs are
often not met. Borderlines have to take care of
their own feelings essentially by taking care of the feelings
of others and by anticipating what others will do based on
what they feel.
This leads to the learning of black and white
all-or-nothing thinking; to cognitive distortions;
patterned ways of misinterpreting the communication
of others; impulsive assumptions jumped to defensively;
projections, transference, ideas of reference, etc.,
all in an effort to protect oneself from any further
assault to his/her psyche.
The chase for health involves each borderline actively
searching for a healthy self in a crazy world. In this
active search it is necessary to get professional help,
to go into therapy. It is also necessary to learn how to
be honest with oneself and with others. For all intents
and purposes everything that one believes while borderline
must be challenged. There is a tremendous amount of un-learning
to do as one learns healthier ways to cope and to relate.
If a borderline earnestly chases health by seeking that
healthy self that awaits their rescue inside, they can and
will heal. The road is long and rocky. It takes determination
but it can be done. In order to chase health and to find
your healthy self, keep walking further down the road to
the you, the you, that you know that you were meant to be.
If you are borderline, you likely have a strong sense of
being someone other than you know your true self to be.
You likely often wonder why you do what you do when you
know inside that you'd rather love and be loved, than hate
and be hated; that you'd rather extend understanding and
be understood than be misunderstood, impatient and punishing
of yourself and others; that you'd rather respond appropriately
to what is going on around you in the here and now than
keep re-playing the pain of your past in patterned and
oh so predictable ways.
Who are you? Who do you want to be? When you answer these
questions you will begin identifying your true self, your
healthy self.
© A.J. Mahari, September 1, 2001
as of January 5, 2002
